Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
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