remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize