i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
So apparently I’m into choking now
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
