I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
