Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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