I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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