I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
