Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
