Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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