I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize