Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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