lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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