But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize