god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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