I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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