but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Someone shit on the floor
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
