we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
