And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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