i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
