i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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