She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Randomize
