I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
