dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
