6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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