Swine flu. Run for my life!
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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