I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Randomize
