you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
