Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
