I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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