Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
