How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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