I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
