What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
