did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Randomize
