Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
