somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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