Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
