Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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