Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
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