she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Randomize
