we have officially lost it.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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