I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
