He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
