OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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