You're completely useless in the revolution.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
