woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
