I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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