we're blogging at a bar
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I wear drunk well.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
