i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize