her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
