Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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