so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
i came on her dog
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Randomize
