Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
