I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
