if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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