he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
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