I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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