btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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