Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
