I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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