i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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