How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
