Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
