even my farts smell like vagina
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Randomize
