And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
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