i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
