you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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