I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
