Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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