Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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