It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
