I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
We are all done wearing pants today
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
