Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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