There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
