I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
