I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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