Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
