i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
