That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
one two three fourrrrnication!
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
We're using joints as your birthday candles
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
