She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
